Dating Sucks

I’ve decided to try dating again. I mean, I don’t want him back so what am I waiting for? Though I wouldn’t turn down an engraved invitation from the dating world acknowledging they accept me.

Dating has never been my thing. I don’t hold a lot of stock in zodiacs (it’s cool if you do but it’s just not my life) but I am the exact definition of an Aquarius. I’ll recap for you:

  • Progressive
  • Independent
  • Humanitarian
  • Runs from emotional expression
  • Temperamental
  • Uncompromising
  • Aloof
  • Frank
  • Imaginative
  • Detachment
  • Curious
  • Affectionate personality (maybe…but not always)

You see those italicized traits? Yeah. Those are my main personality flaws. This makes me hate dating and all things associated. So you would think that I would be thrilled with the “new” dating right? Wrong. Because it sucks. For those of you unaware of how “new” dating works it goes something like this:

Person 1: It would be cool if we did something at some point.

Person 2: Yeah it would.

Both die waiting for the other to make plans. It’s like we both have to pretend we are not interested in the other to avoid being labeled as “desperate” or “clingy”. Why is it so awful to show you are interested? Yeah. Even I said that. Honestly. I hate when guys are over interested in me. Part of that is my insecurity and belief that when they finally get to know me they will just be disappointed. But I still want him to be interested. Because if he isn’t who in the relationship is going to be? Because it sure as hell isn’t me. Have you met me? I refer you back to the list. Runs from emotional expression was literally written after doing a study on me.

If it doesn’t go like scenario one, it’s like this:

Person 1: God you’re so fucking sexy.

Person 2: Um. Thank you? (Seriously. How do you respond to that?)

Person 1: We should hang out soon.

Person 2: Uh. I guess that could be a thing.

Person 1: Tonight. Come over.

Person 2 now has to decide if they want to be found chained in the basement or not.

So. Death or sitting at home waiting for the other person to care more. That’s how dating is going for me so far. And I’ve already promised my family and friends that I would be more cautious since they’ve read this blog. Sigh. Do better society. Demand better from the people trying to date you. Show others you care and you are interested. I mean, after all, what’s the worst that could happen? You sit at home alone like you are already doing.

Yeah I know. I’ll take my own advice too.

I’m Not Taking That Back

He. Cheated.

Insignificant.

Small.

Alone.

Just. Awful.

 

It was the best thing he could have ever done for me. Now before you decide to have me evaluated for a mental health crisis, I mean it. Him cheating on me was the best thing he could have ever done for me. It hurt so bad. It made me feel awful. But. It made me realize that I would never want him again. I would never fall for his act again. And as I started to heal I was able to see just what he had done to me.

This is what a manipulative relationship looks like. I’m an example of how a smart, confident, independent, supported woman can be manipulated and isolated. How she can be taken and hollowed out to the point where she doesn’t recognize herself. My friends knew-they even warned. My poor parents sat by helpless as I dug my heels in. I clung to every promise he made. I held tight to each kiss. Each time he called me beautiful was proof he wanted me right?

It was like dating a roller-coaster. I became someone I never thought I would be. I was so nervous all the time that I would set him off and he would need to be alone for weeks to gather his thoughts and decide if he wanted me. When I discovered he had a son and I told him so he would stop lying to me, he had the audacity to claim this was a violation of his trust (yeah. You read that right. I violated HIS trust because he lied to me and I caught him) and he needed time to decide if we could work. Lo and behold he decided we could.

Notice that I didn’t have a say? I didn’t have a say in anything. I couldn’t even leave in the morning when I wanted to. I had to stay until he left because it made him feel bad when I didn’t. Never mind it completely destroyed my morning schedule-controlling much? It’s amazing how I couldn’t see what was happening. Maybe I didn’t want to.

You see, as terrified as I am of commitment, I’m incredibly loyal. Once I decide-I decide. And I put the same amount of effort and worry into choosing a person as I do a brand of nail polish (OPI). So when I chose him- I wasn’t backing down. I knew from the beginning he would have to be the one to end it.

So what did I learn from this? Boys suck. I’m not taking that back. Boys do suck and I refuse to date them. From now on only men. And if they don’t like Harry Potter (or at least understand my obsessive passion) they are out.