In exactly 11 days I will be 30. It’s kind of a big deal to me-but not for the reasons you would think. I mean, I don’t mind getting older is all I’m saying. I’ve practically been old my entire life. I was born with the personality of an 80 year old grandmother. But one of those grandmas that lived through the depression-not the fun ones.
I’m excited though, you know? My life isn’t exactly what you would call hard but I had some definite rough patches. I don’t have to tell you-you’ve read this blog. But not just that. Not just him. I almost died in my 20s. It was a really hard time not just for me but for the people who love me. I imagine the ones who don’t care for me didn’t have an opinion. I lost my dog, my grandpa, my uncle, some friends, and made reckless decisions.
My 20s had some perks. I met my best friends. I graduated with both my undergraduate and graduate degrees. I found a career I adore. All of my nieces and nephews were born. I traveled to India. I let myself become attached to a person. I watched so many baseball games. I discovered my voice. I reconciled with my body (mostly). And I fell even more in love with my Savior.
The world is a scary place right now. And I’m not sure what my 30s hold. But I do know that I’m going to continue growing as a person. I’m going to try to consistently put myself in the place of others and understand their views. I’m going to be kind. I’m going to read more about everything. I’m going to continue working hard for what I want. I’m not going to allow others to make me jaded. I might even start cleaning my house and doing laundry on a regular basis-but if you look at my list you can see my plate is already pretty full. I mean, being kind is a full-time job for me.
I’m ready for a new decade of my life. I’m ready to heal. I’m excited.
I will never understand “ghosting” or just not showing up. There is no amount of reasoning that will ever make it okay. I know that most of the time the term “adult” doesn’t mean much. I mean, just look at how certain “adults” in our government system behave. I know this and honestly don’t expect a whole lot out of my prospective suitors. People being what they are and all. But ghosting? Unacceptable.
I hate everything about first dates-and first dates from the internet are no different. I don’t know what specifically it is but I hate all of it. I think what I really hate is the getting ready-I get all worked up about it. I spend hours getting ready and not because it actually takes hours for me to look like I belong in society. It takes me hours because I spend most of that time sitting on my bed, half-dressed, trying to convince myself that I’m a freaking adult and can attend a social function damn it. (I’m rather hard on myself at times) So you see, if I can convince my eternally realist self that I can attend a damn dinner for 2 hours and be polite why the fuck can’t these guys get their act together?
Ghosting doesn’t bother me as much as not showing up does. If you have ghosted on me you’ve typically not responded to text messages and I’m not even worried about showing up. The ones that really bother me are the ones that have made me go through the entire process to get ready and instead of being a decent fucking human let me show up and sit there. You know what that feels like? No. Good. I hope you don’t. Those of you that do-you know where I’m coming from. It’s awful. Humiliating. The hostess keeps asking you if you want to wait or be seated. Thank God I didn’t want to be seated. And this isn’t even an isolated event. Four times. Four guys. Yeah. You read that right-four times. I don’t even like to put myself out there that much and it still happened. And the kicker is that each time the guy asked me out. This wasn’t initiated by me. Why bother asking me out if you don’t want to show up?
So the next time you decide you want to ask someone out and then later decide you no longer want to see that person-tell them. Be the good person. I promise you that the minute of anger that comes from canceling at last minute is nothing compared to the awful feelings you will cause when you just don’t show up. Let’s be adults people.