Raspberry Filling

Let me tell you about a date that I went on a couple years ago, not the full date, you just don’t need that many details about this instance. I’m not even going to tell you where on the internet I met him. Just that I met him on the internet. I’ll start from the time we exchanged phone numbers.

I’m not a phone person. I don’t like talking on the phone. I’m leery about giving out my phone number-especially to strangers. My phone is almost always with me and if someone has my number they can reach me everywhere. It’s not like when my phone was attached to the wall. Now they can reach me at Wal-Mart, the gas station, work, and the gym. It just seems so much more personal than giving them a landline. I gave him my number. I even programmed his name in. You’re laughing but I am not the attachment type. It takes a lot to get me there and normally your name doesn’t get programmed in unless I think you’re going to stick around. I programmed it in anyway.

He called. We talked. I was a fan. As much of a fan as I could be you know? Intelligent. Holds conversation well. Good at arguing. And that was just what I brought to the table. It was going to be a good time. We decided to meet. I was so nervous. Like, couldn’t control myself nervous. It took me three hours to get ready. He was going to take me to a steak house franchise and I wasn’t concerned about being over-dressed.

I have to interrupt this story. I’ve done some really really dumb things in my life. Things that are unsafe. Things that should have led to murder. I’ve lived to tell. Please do not do these things. I don’t do them anymore. It’s a terrible idea and dumb. You’re not dumb. Don’t do them.

I met him in a parking lot. He got out and opened the door of his truck and I got in. (see? Dumb. So fucking dumb) We were going to a neighboring town. He said I looked nice and we started talking. On the way there he put his hand on my thigh and I didn’t move it. He asked if we could go to Denny’s instead of the original plan. I agreed. Disappointed. And a little angry if we are honest. I had spent three damn hours trying to get ready and look nice. Nope. Denny’s. I could have worn pajamas. Sigh. Oh well. I tried so hard not to stare at him. He was unbelievably attractive. This made me nervous.

You know what I remember about that night? How he helped me across the parking lot because it was icey. How he never made me feel unattractive. He didn’t flirt with or stare at the waitress-no matter how hard she tried. He didn’t stare at other women when they walked past. He looked at me. He kept as much eye contact as I would allow him. He helped me into his gigantic truck. He held my hand for a bit on the way home. He brushed the hair out of my face. He learned things I liked. He made fun of me and didn’t act like I was dumb. It was one of the nicest feelings another person has given me.

Sometimes you just need to reflect on the people who have made you feel great in your life. I have a lot of amazing people in my life. People I admire so much and stalk relentlessly on Facebook. My dating history is all over the map. Most of that is my fault and some of it is because modern dudes are douchebags. This is a happy memory. The fact that I wasn’t murdered is just the raspberry filling in that cake.

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